Book Review: I'd Tell You That I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You

Written by: Ally Carter

Published by: Disney Hyperion

Release Date: March 2007

Source: Bought

Purchase: indiebound | barnes and noble | amazon

4 out of 5 stars - I really, really liked it.

Synopsis: The Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women is a fairly typical all-girls school—that is, if every school teaches advanced martial arts in PE, chemistry always consists of the latest in chemical warfare, and everyone breaks CIA codes for extra credit in computer class. So in truth, while the Gallagher Academy might say it's a school for geniuses what they really mean is spies. But what happens when a Gallagher Girl falls for a boy who doesn't have a code name?

Cammie Morgan may be fluent in fourteen languages and capable of killing a man in seven different ways (three of which involve a piece of uncooked spaghetti), but the Gallagher Academy hasn't prepared her for what to do when she meets an ordinary boy who thinks she's an ordinary girl. Sure, she can tap his phone, hack into his computer, and track him through a mall without him ever being the wiser, but can she have a regular relationship with a regular boy who can never know the truth about her? Cammie may be an elite spy in training, but in her sophomore year, she's doing something riskier than ever—she's falling in love.

True confession: I love spies. In college, while my fellow Poli. Sci. students were reading Marx, I was reading Ian Fleming. True story. So imagine my delight when I realized that Ally Carter wrote a series based on an exclusive spy school for girls?

Oh, the things I love about this first story. Well, there’s the fact that our protagonist’s dad is missing. And her mother is the headmistress. And then there’s the small matter of the boy who captures Cam’s attention. A townie named Josh. Here’s a little scene between them from page 153 when someone places their hands over Cam’s eyes while she’s waiting for Josh to show up for a date:

   One second you’re standing there, being grateful that you’d remembered to pack a candy bar, and then…POW…everything goes black.

   Well, that’s what happened. But did I panic? No way. I did what I was trained to do – I grabbed the offending arm, shifted my weight, and used the force of my would-be attacker’s momentum against him.

   It was fast. Really fast. Scary, these hands-are-lethal-weapons fast.

   I am so good, I thought, right up until the point when I looked down and saw Josh lying at my feet, the wind knocked out of him.

    “Oh my gosh! I’m sorry!” I cried and reached down for him. “I’m so sorry. Are you all right? Please be all right.”

   “Cammie?” he croaked. His voice sounded so weak, and I thought, This is it. I’ve killed the only man I could ever love, and now I’m about to hear his deathbed (deathstreet?) confession. I leaned close to him. My hair fell into his open mouth. He gagged.

   So…yeah…on my first pseudo-date, I not only physically assaulted my potential soul mate, I also made him gag – literally.

   I pushed my hair behind my ear and crouched beside him. (Incidentally, if you ever want to feel a boy’s abs, this is a pretty good technique – because it seemed perfectly natural for me to put my hands on his stomach and chest). “Ooh. What is it?”

   “Do something for me?”

   “Anything!” I crouched lower, not wanting to miss a single, precious word.

   “Please don’t ever tell any of my friends about this.”

How I loved Cammie’s voice and all her asides and reports. I also adored the fact that her friends and mom were there to help or well, distract her from her mission to find out if Josh was indeed a “honeypot” (a label used for a fellow spy who is trying to infiltrate their school). Ally captures everything that makes a good spy story – the intrigue, the missions and most of all the relationships between spies and the people who get tangled up in their lives. I’m thrilled that there are three more books in the series and a fifth one coming out next year. If you have mother-daughter book club, I highly recommend this book. You won’t be disappointed. Now, I’m moving on to the next book in the series, because well, I need to find out what happens next to Cammie and her friends. You know that feeling Mundie Moms, it's one of the best, isn't it?