Mundie Moms

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

SHADOWHUNTERS TV Series, S3B, E14; A KISS FROM A ROSE / Review #shadowhunters

UGH. The episode opens with Clary back in the Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants apartment. She suggests rather than Umbridging (yes, I'm making it a verb) her skin, he sends an email.
And I already want the episode to end. Their banter makes me nauseous. We then discover that Seb is making a Downworlder glamour herself as Clary. Insert the godawful show theme -- this is the huuuuuuuuuunt.

Indeed.

I keep hunting for material from the books to no avail.

In the storage room of the Jade Wolf restaurant, Maia opens the door because the pounding stopped. 'Cause that makes sense. Not that the vamps could still be out there or anything. Great dialogue moment:

Jordan: Alright. Uh. We just have to sit tight. Someone will come for us eventually.
Maia: Who?!?! My whole pack was just slaughtered, Luke stepped down and the Jade Wolf is freakin' closed on Mondays!

This is the moment that Jordan remembers that Maia is claustrophobic. No, for reals, it's in the show. Feel free to start with the eyerolls. He uses deep Lamaze (don't we all know that technique, MMs?) breathing to stop her from "wolf-ing" (her words) out.  Eyeroll. Eyeroll. Eyeroll.

Then we cut to Jace and Clary in bed. Still. Seemingly forever. Where Clary asks if Jace is feeling insecure. The Jace Herondale. My eyes have now officially glassed over.

GIF found here. 
It's so awful, you guys, that I yelled nonsense out. WORST DIALOGUE EVER award goes to Clace.  I died a thousand fangirls deaths, one at a time. It's so awful that the official Shadowhunters twitter account didn't make a gif of it for me to post here. 

Luke is still trying to find the relic sword, and has turned over the information to Alec. Izzy is still on her Gard tangent. She feels it's their responsibility to find out what' s going on. Alec gives her 24 hours. 

Meanwhile, Magnus goes to Lorenzo who accuses him of being "magic challenged" (if you're counting eyerolls, the Clace bit made my eyeballs freeze into position, so yeah....). Watching two excellent actors try to act their way through this nonsense is just the worst. 

But, help and magic come at a price. Lorenzo suggests a transfusion of magic. OMG. SO DUMB. Magnus' body crackles alive. The price, you ask? We have to wait for the Clace scene cutaway.

They're going skating. Clace are engaging in a sport I actually know.

Maia and Jordan are still in their supply closet, when Maia realizes Jordan has silver poisoning. She starts yelling, because that's logical, and Jordan starts coaching Lamaze breathing because she's freakin' out. Jordan tells her that when he's in a "bad situation" he imagines a time when he was happy. If only the cheese factor wasn't off the charts. But, it's Freeform, so we have a running away story from Maia when she was a teen. She called Jordan, and he came. Eyeroll x 100, but my eyeballs are frozen in a permanent one so, why bother. 

Jace and Clary skate, and I die a fangirl death again. Because, I could've written this fanfic, MMs. I could've. Our talented, physically gifted boy cannot skate. Kinda kills me. Not that he could do a triple axel his first time, but I'm fairly sure he could catch on to the gliding stride fairly easily. 

Jace leaves Clary on the ice to get a better pair of skates ('cause that makes sense in Shadowhunter World), and he runs into Sebbie. The conundrum is clear on his face. He can't hurt Seb, because he'll hurt Clary. Our boy is in Stuckland. And we hear another swell piece of dialogue:

Jace: So what are you going to do?
Seb: When Lillith brought me back, she brought me back stronger,

Of course, she did Seb 2.0. Quicker. Faster. Stronger. Dumber.  Sebbie's eye turn black as knocks out real Jace, and he transforms into Jace. Of course, he does. There had to be some semblance of action in this episode. 

Magnus steps into the room as Alec is pouring over pages trying to find mention of the Morning Star sword, and pages begin to swirl. Without answering Alec's many questions about getting his magic back, Magnus opens a portal to Belgium, where apparently a mundane was buried with the sword. 

Our favorite bro is not doing so well in his Jace disguise, because when Clary advises him of the Umbridge dealio that Sebbie performed on her, Seb-Jace says he must've done it out of love. Color Clary confused. Color me bored. This thing is unraveling way too quickly. 

Simon and Luke team up to find Jordan, because the Praeter alerted Luke that something could be wrong. In the storage closet, Maia and Jordan are having a confession moment. It's boring. Unnecessary. They've been there forever. Forgiving each other. Jordan's eyes close. Maia cries. I cry alongside her out of sheer boredom.

And eeeeeeeewwwww, we have THE KISS. Seb kissed his sister. Did we really have to see this? The answer is a quick NO. 

Back at the Institute, CSI Izzy is performing an autopsy on one of the victims of the Gard. She gets a phone call from Clary, who suspects Jonathan has done something with Jace and assumed his identity. Can Izzy track them down in time?

In a Belgium tomb, which sadly looks like the same sewer set from the previous episodes only decorated with torches, Magnus and Alec come to a dead end. The sword that was buried with the mundie is a fake. They realize with the real sword Jonathan can summon an army of demons. Deja vu.

Izzy finds Jace at the rink and revives him. The two of them (along with a random Shadowhunter) are headed to Harlem, because the traveling apartment loves being in hip places. 

Magnus tells Alec that Lorenzo's price was his apartment (what's with the real estate theme?). He reassures Alec that the magic makes him connected to "everything around" him. He needs it to matter. Such a sad moment for our favorite duo. Magnus realized that the apartment is only a possession as long as he has Alec and his magic. 

Finally, Luke and Simon find Maia and Jordan at the Jade Wolf. They also find the remnants of the massacre. Luke tells them to take Jordan to the Praeter, and that he will deal with the cops. His old partner arrests him for the massacre. 

Ambush time for Seb. Clary cannot stop him from escaping as Jace, Izzy and company slo-mo toward them. Clary doesn't know why she let him go. 

Magnus' magic is becoming problematical. He feels a nosebleed starting. Reminds me of, umm, let me see, oh yeah:

118596
GIF found here. 

In the last moment of the episode, we find Jace and Clary kissy-facing. Jonathan-Seb is role playing with FakeClary. It's all good, you guys. UGH.


FINAL COUNTS 
Total Eyerolls: Three pretty severe ones. One seismic one that shifted a few tectonic plates and registered on the Richter scale.
Worst Dialogue Ever: 3
Deep Lamaze Breathing Technique Used: 3
Stealing Another Shows Feels: 1
Deja Vu Feels: 1
Multiple Uses of Rented Sewer Sets: 1

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